The rough start
Yesterday I decided to start something new. To begin to fight like I was worth it. But then it hit me. All the pain I was feeling and didn't want to face. That pain of feeling alone. In february, me and my girlfriend broke up and we were together for 2 years and a half. At first, I thought I was okay with it, that I didn't really love anymore. I was so wrong. Now I realize that I should have fought for her way before now. A part of me took her for granted. The result is that now I'm alone, wishing I could have done something different.
Yesterday, I was ready to try to kill myself again. I didn't want to suffer any longer. I wanted it all to end. Luckily, I just closed my eyes and wished to never opened them again.
How do I feel today? Ashamed, dissapointed of myself. I feel like that because I bailed on myself and everyone that surrounds me. I decided it was time to go when it's so selfish to even think about that. I know I am difficult, but I truly want to believe I am worth fighting for life. I truly believe I can get through all this. I just need to fight more and more, till I overcome it.
So yeah, it is a rough start, but you know what? Beside all that, I know I can make it through everything that comes my way. I have people I can count on, but most importantly, I have myself. |
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