Daily life - About me & friends
Gina's Blog

“ON this wondrous sea,
Sailing silently,
Knowest thou the shore
Ho! pilot, ho!
Where no breakers roar,
Where the storm is o‘er?
In the silent west
Many sails at rest,
Their anchors fast;
Thither I pilot thee,—
Land, ho! Eternity!
Ashore at last!”

Excerpt From: Emily Dickinson. “Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson (Barnes & Noble Classics Series).”
“I went to the dark part of my mind
Put one foot on the shovel and dug you up
I needed to look one more time, just one more glance
My mistake was thinking it was really over
because once free
you decided to wreak havoc on the rest of my mind
Making it dark too”

Excerpt From: Samantha King. “Born to Love, Cursed to Feel.” Apple Books.
“When I hit that wall, and I am going to hit it
As I’m lying on the floor consumed by despair
don’t try and pick me up
don’t whisper words of comfort
Don’t tell me it’s going to be ok
Let me be in this moment where I think it’s not
Lie beside me and let me find hope in the comfort of your presence
Let me deal with my thoughts and fears
I will eventually reprimand myself for indulging in such an emotion for so long
I will want to get up and keep moving forward
Until then, let me lie here and let the salt of my tears sting the wounds you can’t see
Until I’m ready, let me be
I have to heal myself”

Excerpt From: Samantha King. “Born to Love, Cursed to Feel.” Apple Books.
“We search within lost souls
and through the lies for the truth
The unwavering absolution that someone saw us
for who we are and loved us

Excerpt From: Samantha King. “Born to Love, Cursed to Feel.”
“Sweet Deception

It all seemed so perfect
I guess lies are that way
They wait until you’re entangled in them
Wrapped in their beauty
and the minute you start to believe they’re real
They rip apart all the hope you had left”

Excerpt From: Samantha King. “Born to Love, Cursed to Feel.” Apple Books.
dear blog
i don't want it to be the 2000s. to be honest i don't really know what i am or what i want. i know i say that a lot tho. things are going ok at the moment. i just have to work a few things out. bye - G
If she would just give me a chance we could give our whole souls to one another...oh i forgot to tell u i've been refusing school a lot recently 😎
i'm going to try and start writing more in one space because apparently i only have a limited number of cells per page. whatever that means i guess. im almost at 900 reads and after that almost A 1,000. That is at once a tiny (for the internet) and amazingly huge number of people (even if most of them are me just logging in to update it)

here are some images that describe my mood at the moment.None of them are perfect looking back but i think i am way too tired to change it because the image upload thing on this blog does not always work. Anyway, here is some poetry.

How should we like it were stars to burn... with a passion for us we could not return
were all stars to disappear or die
If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me.
Were all stars to disappear or die
i should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime
Though this might take me a little time.

- WH Auden

...an impossible song of desire you cannot hear. - Carol Ann Duffy

In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud
your form and colour are the way I love them.
You are mine, mine, mine woman with sweet lips and in your life infinite dreams live.
-Pablo Neruda, in my Sky at Twilight (from the book In my sky at twilight, poems of eternal love)

If you come as softly as wind within the trees
you may hear what I hear
See what sorrow sees
If you come as lightly
as a threading dew

i will take you gladly
nor ask more of you
you may sit beside me
silent as a breath
only those who stay dead
shall remember death

and if you come i will be silent
nor speak harsh words to you
i will not ask you why, now
or how, or what you do
we shall sit here softly
between two different years
and the rich earth between us shall drink our tears.

- Audre Lorde, If you come softly
Poem without God - Alex Dmirtov
I waited for so long, with one drink, at the same bar
Finally I stepped out to have a cigarette
I love the way you look
Your eyes, they twinkle
Your lips, they curl
Your whole spirit lifts
I love the way you look
As I watch you across the room
That is until you looked at me
And nothing else could compare

Excerpt From: Dawn Lanuza. “The Last Time I'll Write About You.” Apple Books.
Do something today your future self will thank you for.
I have been careless with the book but it will all be ok, i know it. she has asked me to txt her
Scracthing itching reading blurring throw up head down eyes weird confused

Where do the dead girls wander after their summer
LuxuryProblem by the Lunachicks
let life be empty and bright. You and only you I will glorify in my poems
As a woman has never been able to do
We are all...loose women here
How unhappy we are together
The flowers and the birds on the wall yearn for the clouds.
You are smoking a black pipe. The puff of smoke has a funny shape...
The windows are sealed tight.
What's out there hoarfrost or storm? You gaze with the eyes of a cautious cat
Oh, I am sick at heart! Isn't it the hour of death I await
But that woman dancing now will be in hell no doubt
Anna A
There is a possibility that we can in the future accept each other. And even if it all fails, I will not think of that now but if it does I will always have the memories of our time together.

I promised you love. Time cannot take away that. - Anne Sexton

And to realise that all is lost
That life (love) is hell!
Oh I was so sure that you would return. - Anna A.

Like you I was free but I wanted too much to live. Here is my cold corpse, wind, do you see? And no one to fold my arms.

- Anna A.

It was stifling in the burning light and his glances --- like rays.
I merely shuddered. This one could tame me.
He bowed he will say something... The blood drained frrom my face.
Let love be the gravestone lying on my life.

Don't you love me, don't you want to look at me? Oh how handsome you are, damn you!
And I can no longer fly
I who was winged since childhood.
A mist clouds my eyes
Things and faces merge and flow.
And there is only the red tulip. The tulip in your button hole.

A simple civility demands you appropached me, you smiled
and half tenderly, half lazily
With a kiss you brushed my hand
And the eyes of mysterious, ancient faces
Gazed at Me. Ten years of cries and trepidation
All my sleepless nights
I put into one quiet word
And uttered it in vain
You left and once more my soul became
empty and serene.

i can't stop thinking of her and smiling!!! ok it went well. I really think it did.....i didn't ask her out and i kind of used my mental health issues as an exuse... well it wasn't really a lie...She says I can stalk her any day (joke)
i have value as a person. Maybe teenage entangements are not such a good idea rn
UGH I failed once again and it has been two desperate stupid times now! I keep reminding myself I have nothing to lose - actually I have everything to lose!!! And I feel like she has given up on me😭 Oh my God I am so anxious about this. I really really need to rally myself about this. It can't be that hard, can it??? UGH and this KFC job as well. maybe she'll never notice me. maybe i will die alone. maybe this was all just a waste of time, maybe she LIKES SOMEONE ELSE> I AM SO FREAKING STRESSED.
In other news, a lot has been happening. I started reading Home Body today and I found it amazing especially how she writes about ch se abuse, it is exactly how I feel. So honest and true, in the pleasurable shame u feel, the dirtiness inside that strangles you into oblivion. I don't know if you think I'm just being melodramatic or what....UGH. We had such good times! Things were going so well,,,, but I've been wasting so much time,,,,stalling,,,,was she making the first move,,,,did I abandon her,,,,myself,,,,or did she abandon me,,,ugh i feel very abandoned. Gina
How can a person be lonely
when surrounded by friends?
I am alone, I am lonely, I am dead

- Red Comet
Today has been extreme. There were some really great things, but also some horrible things, really really horrible things. I just dont want the things I love to become a chore...
if we are online at the same time can we connect in some lonely way
i feel like we spend more time editing the ideal of ourselves soical media )( than actually expressing it /G

Also I started back at school yesterday. Bye bloggers
goals / affirmations
i don't care what people think of me.
i am not a horrible person.
making mistakes does not make me unworthy of love.
listen to jazz to proclaim your snazz on your 5 grand stereo...

It makes me feel so sad, that so much of myself will cease to exist when I clear my hardrive.
A Cleansing of My search history.
My very pores fragmented
My body, my soul
Under pressure
In this digital age
Hey. It's 4 am now. I am up watching Walk the Line but it keeps glitching which is really annoying. it reminds me of watching movies with my family as a kid, walk the line is good in parts. I really like johnny cash's music. But the actor (!!!) honestly....
I just keep thinking of him as the joker. Anyway, I know I always say this but i think it might be time for me to take a break from this blog for a while. I will not post for a few months after this I think...we'll see how long that lasts but anyway..... This might be my last post of the school holidays so goodbye. G
Dear blog i just got back from Cait. She was really kind and we had a great conversation, she wants to read an essay I have written about my illness. She also gave me a free pen. She's the best.
Entering a poem into the Voiceworks competition. I've read that magazine before and I guess I have mixed feelings about it. But I really hope I can succed. As 500 and a pack of YA books which sounds too good to be true. I guess I will try my best and see what happens.
Xoxo G
Blue roses
I was so soft
Polished like glass
i was as rare as blue roses
But he bleached me and hurt me
But I am still as rare as blue roses
Undying blue roses
Mental notes
An Untamed State
Writing into the wound
Difficult women
Debbie Mailman latest book
roxane gay replied to my email. She is so amazingly kind and I admire her so much as an author and a human being... it made me so happy... just... wow... i'm just so amazed right now.
To be honest it makes me anxious to think of people reading this because i've kind of spilled my dark secrets and i feel the weight of centuries judging me and smothering me. But I will keep posting here, because I want to reach someone who could possibly understand. However I really hope no one I know finds this. But it's pretty hard to find tho. I don't know. I want to be noticed and I want to be hidden at the same time, and I don't know how to decide. I don't really have a choice in what will happen to me, and that is scary. even more so for me sometimes, I surrender as I have really bad impulse control. I really really really want to crawl and live in the safe space inside my head. Some day, I have decided, I will write honestly about everything that has happened in my life.
i've been obsessing over spoitfy lately. i keep making these playlists, one is for the girl I like, and the other one is about my stalker boyfriend, tho it has gone off the rails lately. Since he is a stalker I kind of want him to find it. I feel like that's really unhealthy tho, and I have been thinking about him a lot. I miss him and some part of me thinks we'd be good together. I have been listening to it (it's litreally called a broken heart emoji) for the most of the afternoon. Apart from that I have read quite a bit :) and eaten a lot of crispy M&Ms. I also took a short nap earlier in the night so i am energised to watch the final few minutes of heartbreak high I had to stop 2 nights ago because it was litreally 6am so it was a lot. I'm still quite tired however.
Only queens with hearts can bleed. ~~ginaxx

Tired: Poem by langston hughes
Sometimes, you know, I still miss him. <3
Of course. There is her as well. But I am confused to be honest to what I want at the moment.
Guess its just a silly song about how I loved you and how I lost you and your brown eyes
-Lady Gaga
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6at1nZQ7Rsgsdejn6GvGGJ - I made this for you.
The way you speak yourself into smallness is self harm. Remember love exists in this world
Dear blog
I just had a really fantastic day at Leichardt and I wanted to record it all
_freedom of the park
_shopping centres
_priceline makeup
_fish and chips place closed down. sushi.
i'll fill in the details later, or not.

From Heartbreak High. I just started watching it last night. It's a really amazing show. I watched 6 episodes. it's such a lovely soap opera but unique which is my favourite type of TV show.
EDIT: I meant to upload a picture from heartbreak high as well but it didn't work. Here is a beautiful poem from Rupi Kaur instead
I have like 30 pages to go of Men who hate women. I want to believe things can change but I feel like they can't. But I really do feel compassion for incels, even though I'm pretty sure they would feel no compassion for me. I believe all human beings need help and respect. But I get what feminists are saying about how this should not come at the expense of the viticms. i read some of the the elliot rodger memoir as well, which was scary and sad, and I also read some of a book I've been meaning to read for a long time by Christopher Hitchens. Yesterday I was also reading The Flame a lot by Leonord Cohen and doing a lot of drawing and colouring in. I plan to spend today as I did yesterday, starting off by reading and listening to the Fame by Lady Gaga on repeat before drawing aimlessly and binge watching Heartbreak High to block out all my intrusive thoughts. Because the world is so sick. I honestly feel really bad about the world. So many people have really awful ideas about things. (Jesus I sound like Elliot.) like nihilism is not good at all, but I don't see how anything is going to change. I guess all one can do is try and make life better for others every day, even in a broken system and a broken world. i got that from a book called Shalom sistas
please don't try and convince me how witty and intelligent you are
I am hopelessly a lover and a dreamer and this will be the death of me.
I am going to be focusing on self care. And endless solitude. so. yeah. <3

people always used to mock milk and honey, but at lot of it is actually really interesting and beautiful. I'm surprised with myself.
Dear blog. I might actually be leaving now but we will see. Until then. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
it's so hard to be a women sometimes seriously. Laura Bates is full of such dignity and grace. And she has real compassion and fairness to men, wanting to help them... despite all the abuse she has had to endure because of her everyday sexism work. it's such a far cry from the man hating image everyone is always sterotyped as. I really am sick and tired of this, what's happening to us every single day. The internet is a big part of that, as is the media and soicety. It's so confusing and complicated and everyone one is mentally ill.

well, clearly this isn't my last blog post after all. blue mountains, year of rest and relax, drowsy nap waking up feeling pleasantly dehydrated. then train bus home cold air and now i am on the final chapter of men who hate women. it makes me so sad... i'm too scared to look up all the stuff about Roe. vs Wade being overturned. And there are so many issues facing women today, in some ways we are worse off than ever before. Here are some quotes I found very interesting.
I also got a book called Young Mungo on my "shopping" spree yesterday. It cost me $0.00 😁

People can be intensely cruel sometimes.

black and white filter
scrolling through these images
staring at these images
these vapid mindless
imagine a world without this
imagine a world unplugged
imagine a world without toture
imagine becoming the girl the girl without a phone
Today I got......

-some books (5 separate titles, and i finished reading the end of Heart-stopper at the bookshop. The online version cut it off JUST AS NICK CAME OUT TO HIS DAD AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE ENDING---thank goodness I read it. It was such a lovely ending and i loved the mini comic about the teachers, it was so beautiful. I don't really like the one where Nick is an old man with a beard tho lol, it seems a bit infantilising and over the top. Like not all teenage relationships last that long. Or...do they?
But I do really like Heart stopper tho. It is sweet. I guess maybe it would be more interesting if it wasn't though. I actually think I want to read more of the author's work. I've already watched the entire heartstopper series, read the main comics, etc. So now it's time for her novellas, novels, mini comics. I actually started reading one of her novels LOVELESS. It was really interesting!!!! <3333 I loved (haha) what i read of it but it got confiscated by my parents for other reasons🥺
The other books i got: an autobiography called UNKNOWN.
Two Penguin Classics. The Plauge and The Mind of God. I prob won't get around to reading them for a while considering how I waste my time reading endless Y/A and staring aimlessly into screens but they seemed very cool. ;)

The one I have always hated tho is JEAN PAUL SATRE. He is really evil. I feel really awful Simone De Beavior even assoicated with him. I actually haven't read much of her work so i can't even passionately defend her but. I really started to despise Satre when I learned how he attacked one of my favourite authors and supported the Soviet regime. And now he supported pedophiles as well I read, just when i was about to give him another chance. So yeah....French intellectuals are all very sexually abusive. Expect Camus. He seems very intresting. But why was he friends with that b Satre for. Anyway, i'm not trying to come off as some kind of poet philospher her. I want to read his work anyway. Anyway, I have been engrossing myself in radical feminist theory as you can tell. (irony)

-some fake nails from sportsgirl with butterflies all over them but I bit them all off.
-makeup from Mecca
I got this lip injecting thing: my crush teased me for looking smug because I had tiny lips.
foundation, some lip balm that looked like lipstick (it's really nice) and some mineral con-clear
room spray
and some lovely greeting cards with classic art work on them
I got them from David Jones, they are from Champion. (The brand.) When I was in the changing room this women was with the shop assistant buying a dress. It made me feel sad because she was beautiful but the guy controlled what he would decide to buy for her or not. i really dislike that, the man's in charge of buying things and the women has to beg him like a child. My uncle and aunty, tho i love them are a bit like this and even my parents to an extent.

-underwear haha whit
from cotton on body.
from peter alexander
- a stripy nightie from peter alexander
i've been thinking a lot about my stalker boyfriend lately. I miss him. Despite everything. I kind of want to get back together with him, but I have no idea how that will happen. Maybe it's not him, just the idea of filling up the camera roll of my head with photos of us close together, and feeling hands on mind and feeling like a loved, wanted human being. But til then.....
Update: I have to call the KFC Guy by 9 o clock tonight. Wish me luck bloggers ---yours in Christ, Gina
I hope all of you are doing well. Remain and abide in His love, and let peace rule your heart.

Hair of pure gold, viel of pure energy. What the angel gazes at is of eternal significance. Yet what it is has not been revealed to me.
which world searches for me while a dew gently rolls down a colbat blue petal
u need to cleanse and silence ur eyes
for dizzy prayer bounces off a wall
All of your smile lands on a silent swan.
You need her love to catch you when you fall.
Brassy visions count each and every stone
There are so many lives in this lonely womb
when feelings are hungury
mirrors show different faces
The only evening the swan lands she looks for you
-Akaine "The evening Swan"
by the moonlight by the same author.
kicking the world inside out
with deep blind worries
and harsh arguements
the filtered ashes
try to feel lonely but there is too many of them
by the moonlight
learns to cry with all the questions and to rejoice with all the answers
I might be getting a job at KFC. the guy said my application was really good!! I just need a bank account and then I will be inderpendent. Hurray...
With my friends. Sometimes they act so snotty about rich people, yet they've never worked a day in their lives. I mean. Me neither, but I'm getting there....

hello blog, some good things happened, but things always go up and down with her. This holiday I have a plan to read 2 books spefically and go to the libary a lot (like I used to.) I am grounded now but it ended early. Sometimes I think I need some new friends. Anyway, I do have a few really decent friends and anyway I can be my own best friend you know, because my friends never live up to my high ideals. And I feel like I always offend people unintentionally. I've also written a few okay poems today, so there's that. I may be publishing a book of my poems on Inkitt which I am happy about. It will get no reads but at least it's there for people to fawn over when I do you know what.(My Immortal - it is so obviously fake it's written with such comedy and skill. i don't know why people ever took it seriously expect to comment random sh about how bad it was. But you know it's meant to be like that. )
I've also been reading quite a good deal of Wattpad lately. It's funny, Harry Potter was never really my "THING" (Jaqueline Wilson all the way) but I find Harry Potter fanfic really enjoyable, especially (actually exclusively) related to Draco having romances. I actually quite like platinum blond hair and i wanna bleach it - like Kurdt Cobain or Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted. I haven't actually seen the movie but I've read the book and it was really brilliant. i went through a phase of wanting to dye my hair red. I really want to dye it something. I like my natural hair colour a lot, it's really pretty. I still want to dye it tho. The quote is from a story Jolene on inkitt.
So, so breake off this last lamenting kiss
Which sucks two souls and vapors both away.
o my black soul NOW THOU ART SUMMONED
I have a sin of feare that when the thread of life is broken I will be abandonded but God send your peace. Send your holy spirit. O this inner turbulence
John Donne
Today is Wed. I remember hating Wed because I hate to do Yoga (my Buddhist phase lasted like 3 weeks and then I was stuck with it, and I only meditated like 3 times and never properly. I would only really go on Buddhist amino before watching a video calling it a cult and being easily swayed by it.) and star stable would update so I couldn't play. I used to get really sad, angry and upset because I couldn't play. I really had no friends and was a lonely, unhealthy child. All money I had would just be wasted on Star Coins.
((A troubled woman like an autumun flower in the frozen rain, who will never raise her head again. Langston hughes)))
(where does my heart lie/ in the middle of nowhere///dusty springfield i'm in the middle of nowhere and its bothering me)
Sorry for the latest depression/ depressive updates!
I got into a debate with my friend about over population. It's also NADOIC week and my teacher gave me a pencil case which was very nice of her. :)
Quite a lot also happened. I've also started keeping a new journal by the name of Data Collection, collecting data for my psychiatrist Cait. I don't know if i have mentioned her before, but I have been seeing her since late 2020. All of 2021 and 2022. She's not as old as this blog!!! (Since 2018)/ of course there have been periods of inactivity. BUT still. I don't know. I have a lot of disturbed friends and i think maybe I prefer my own company < or at the very least, the company of books.
netflix feels like such a waste of time i don't know. i love my family but yeah. yeah yea oh my god I didn't realise you could do this this is amazing

What else is happening> well, there is you know who...she asked if she was in my diary. I said no. but that was a massive lie as like 95 % of my diary is stuff about HER. I don't think I have written much about Cait at all which is a shame because she is a really good person, honest and true. I'm just so scared of losing certain parts of myself by escaping into this. Well, I hope you're well if you're reading this. I'm pretty sure most of my reads is just myself clicking on the page to update. So I am really uncertain. Whit did find this. Maybe he still reads it < Whit was a boy I met on talk with strangers>...At least he said it was a good blog. He was homeschooled. for some stupid reason i gave him MY NAME AND MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT. And thru that he found this. xD uwu
I just searched myself up. It would have taken him a while to find it. The only thing that I could find easily was my instagram account in year 8, either i'm a very private person..all my old sh from like 2017, 2018 seems to have disappeared.
I'm so glad I don't have Instagram anymore. I lost so many followers! I mean I wasn't active for 2-3 years but still....It's sick, measuring your worth as a human being by all that garbage. I don't want to get a new instagram but i feel I will cave in. We will have to see, but I will always remember u blog
Please don't look at the blogspot or the tumblr, both of them are very pathetic and gross.

xoxo Gina xoxoox

I hate the way i look in every photo, i hate how messy i am, how weak, how futile, how disorganised.
Nobody nobody nobody

I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them but they were only satellites
u can't wish on the space hardware
I wish, i wish I wish you'd care _ Melanie Woss

Feel like i'm soaring like a kite and then I crash to the ground.

Pains all over. A clouded soul. A toxic mind.
I think I could make you feel like that all the time. Or at least I really want to
My parents are watching the bing bang theory using shared airpods and cholorting. I called it mysgonstic but they said they werent aware of that
I just started watching a show called Why are You like this. I hope it's worthwhile.
I'm just writing endless blog posts, none of them really saying anything worthwhile.
I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun my last thread I shall perish on the shorre. What thou hast done now is done. I FEAR NO MORE!
So, so breake off this last lamenting kiss
Which sucks 2 souls and vapors both away.
o my black soul NOW THOU ART SUMMONED

I am a little world made cunningly
Of elements, and angelike spirte
But black since betrayed to endless night

Or wash it if it must be drowned no more

Drama is happening at my school. Turns out my friend and I have liked 2 of the same people and my friend knows about my crush now!!!! We have similar types/ to be honest our relationship can be confusing sometimes. I guess all relationships are confusing and crazed and tangled. OVERWHELMING. i have lots of school assignments to do but I never really do them. Besides they won't be due til ages away.
And there is this big drama over a boy by the name of Mr X. He goes to our school and a lot of things have been happening with him. MR X is from Hunger by Roxane Gay
I really want to be in love sometimes. I want someone to put their arms around me, hold me close and all of that. My friend B says I am a hopeless romantic. I do love romance. I have a rising Cancer so I am sensitive and all that. But I often get caught up in big dramatic high ideals...A bit like Joe Goldberg in YOU (not that Im anything like him obviously) Today i hung out with my friend after school and it was student reflection meetings.
We ate choc chip cookies and drank big m choc milk. I used my birthday money. Another thing im really awful awful AWFUL at money!!!
I want to get a job. I sort of have one but I dont really make much money from it. Anyway, hope you are having a peaceful day and your mental health is all good, whoever u are reading this. God's love be with u!
Peace, Gina xoxoox

I always get such confusing, widly over complicated feelings for everyone, to the point where I don't know how to trust myself anymore.
here's my new blog. however i don't think i will be updating it much though.....
BREAK YOUR SOUL APART i came around to tear your little world apart////honestly the people that answer my survey. one was literally an adult!!! and sorry for updating infrequently, i actually have a life and ive been updating a lot lately so you can please be quiet
i'm trapped inside my head
you hide inside my head
choking on your smile the faith behind your fears the faith behind your fears
the queer is now the queen
i will be your obession make a whole new religion come home with me vixen
i'm only happy when it rains
My family just left. My couisn was great but I barely had time for myself. I just read my bible 4 like 15 minutes....it was good tho, tho also draining!!! I'm just listening to music now. My dad joked that my SB would vote One Nation as he is really conservative. I was like hes litreally asian!!! I feel like he wants to be a privileged white boy but he wouldn't go that far.

I have to do my religion assingment on islam. a quarn my friend gave me is really coming in handy. but i may not do any work at all today. I want to read a bit i think and maybe (actually i will def) watch a movie on Netflix.
the beauty fitler makes me feel so internally awful. I shall write a bit more about it later. xoxo --- Gina

with everyone else
that came
before you
I always imagined telling a darker, more shadowy ideal person
all about their trips and quirks
in a bar
over drinks

But I can't daydream an ideal future now
without you in it

Sometimes it feels like
you're the one
I have been searching for my whole life
Wish you were here

so far you get me is not very good. it seems pretty basic and predictable. oh well we will see
edit i stopped watching it. now i am watching a documentary instead.
only queens with hearts can bleed
a sea of weeping blue flowers

like jack kerourac watching the Beverley hillbillies
thats how disappointed I am in me
thats how disappointed I am in u
you want to hear about my new obsession?

I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains
pour your misery down on me
pour your misery down on me
I started reading 2 new books today. One was called Be cool, by Elmore Leonard. The other is called Hood Feminism.
I like someone a lot. <3 But i guess im only happy when it's complicated because of something else that is happening. I am also watching young royals but I had to stop watching it for a bit because of my dad.
Also it was school photos today. I had my hair in braids with ribbons and lots of people said I looked really nice, cute, etc, including like 5 teachers and this random girl in the bathroom who was lovely. my dearest friend also complimented me who is such a beautiful person and I also noticed that she had straightened her hair. (I was the first person to notice.)
Also, my drama teacher says I write fluently but my review was a confused piece of writing. I got 14/20, a low B.
MY CRUSH DID NOT COMPLIMENT ME, even though I complimented her the other day. She did compliment me once though.
I was reading K3@ts that day
To cease upon the midnight without Pain
xoxo Gina xoxo
ugh i cannot believe it I got banned from the Christian forums AGAIN
Not only that but MY IP ADRESS HAS BEEN BANNED.........
A free bird leaps on the back of the wind and dares to claim the sky

For the caged bird sings of freedom

the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls

One week later I arrived late for bible study. Everyone was sitting at this table outside. It was a clear day, very windy, with the trees rustling and everyone sitting on this old wood veranda. He gave me a weird nod as usual (he was always giving me so many weird nods) and I sat next to him and he started breathing heavily. Then after Bible study I talked to J (the boy I liked not the stalker) and we were talking about religion and his friend Orlando who converted to 5 different religions in one night. It was a really good discussion but stalker boy just sort of stood there grunting strangely and breathing. Then after J left, stalker boy was like, hows our nihilist friend? And then went off about how he "dabbled in philosophy" (his words NOT MINE) and I, stupidly, was impressed.
Also this is Issac from Heart stopper. He is my favourite character
I was a forest. It started with nothing and then it was like something exploded into the far reaches of my mind and then the whole dim forest burnt down into a mess of ash. And I was grasping after it but all I got were severe burns which I obessed over for ages but forgot about in like a month, because I slipped into the same wildfire dance with someone else, spawning endless ash that eventually choked me to death.

Dear blog, it's me again. I had a really good day yesterday, and a pretty good morning. Now it's 1130, things are not going so well. But I'm trying to stay postive. I watched heartstopper....I'm nearly finished it. I also finished anything but fine. I liked it but I really hated the character of Jordan. He was a country yokel. I also read a really good book called Rose, Interupted. That had another TERRIBLE boyfriend in it by the name of Kye. It was a really good book. My favourite character was the brother, Rudder. I tried to download some of her (the authors other books) but it wasn't on the electronic library thing. I did download some others tho, which I hopefully will read in class. I also got TOR because of property rights but i am UNEASY about using it!!!! it's disturbing as its meant to be so secure yet I DON'T TRUST IT AT ALL. Okay, well, that's basically it, I've also been doing a lot of Bible studies recently. And I read some poems yesterday, by Emily Bronte. I really think she is an exceptional poet and her poems are really great. One of my friends does not like her though but this same person likes a fault in our stars. My eyes are so blurry I can barely see. okay I adjusted my brightness all good.
I like the rose book much better than anything but fine. I'm realising now TJ was a TERRIBLE character he was so sleazy and just gross. A country yokel as I say. He was way too old for Luca and honestly just toxic. I dated someone literally exactly like him but even worse.
I don't want to be a cherry picker christian. I believe in God but I have lots of doubts. anyway I'm back on Christian fourms again lol (still need to tell the story of how I got banned..also I have been posting on this blog SO MUCH TODAY!!!! I should stop its 8:13pm

So, I watched heartstopper. (the first 3 episodes, so about an hour of viewing.) It's interesting but not how I imagined the comics. I imagined Nick as less posh, more sweet and I don't know. Blonder. And Charlie had a lot more personality and was a much better character in the comic. I feel like the show is so dark...but the comics are a lot more cute and wholesome which is why I liked them anyway. Oh well at least it was created by the same person, both are good but I'm glad I read the comics first. Up to vol4 at least...charlie is currently in the grip of an eating disorder.
may the god of hope fill you with all the joy and peace of believing and by the power of the holy spirit may you abound in hope
-romans 15:13

the people walking in the darkness have seen a great light. on those living in the land of great darkness, a light has dawned
issiah 9:2

being cringe on purpose... never happened to me. I'm too smart for it
I really want to confess what happened to me, but I even I know that it's an insanely risky idea. Because I have pictures on my face and SO MUCH personal information on here. IVE BASICALLY DOXXED MYSELF !!! I really do not hold back expect 4 the swearing as this is technically a childrens site
Ok, the story is really inappropriate then, so i won't tell it. I was gr0med (??maybe) anyway, I was at least minorly gro0med on a few separate occasions.

ALSO !! I do not endorse scientology in any way shape or form , I was reading beyond belief by jenna hill. many scientologists are lovely people but it is evil and abusive organisation

sylvia plath <3
The images below are just things I liked
1(from heartstopper)

2 A quote. I'm gay and I believe in God hate me all you want (yes I know but this is a kids blog server and I don't want to traumatise children)
3 MARILYN <3333333

Sorry for yet another update but I was just reading my old posts. I really do sound depressed af. I don't know why I seem to think my reading is advanced "LOL" as I would say...I do like reading though. YA is my obsession at the moment. I feel like I have given up on being a normal teenager.I mean I know a lot of people say and feel this way. But I don't think I will ever feel normal. no matter what I do or say. CQ
7:17pm. I've been up since five reading a YA book called anything but fine. it's really great :)

I like the main character, Luca and his friend Amina. Amina reminds me of a really close friend of mine, who is also a Muslim like her. And Lucas gay-like me!!! I really don't like the love interest tho. he reminds me of my ex boyfriend..ugh, anyway, in terms of my love life I have a few updates. Things are hanging on edge, my family is coming this weekend so I prob won't be active much I guess. Well, goodbye <3 xxGina

I seem to have mentioned my crush... well, I don't like him anymore. It was a really terrible relationship anyway. Then I got into an even worse one. And now I like someone else, it's a girl #coming out
oh by the way !!! I wrote a really depressed post somehow promoting my tumblr which some would call very cringe and 2014
anyway. I still feel like that a lot but if you need the support i would encourage you to get some mental help. However, as veteran of the pyschatricy industry complex it isn't as easy as it seems...reaching out often sets u up for an endless feedback loop. But seriously I pray that if u need it help will come. But therapy is hard and I would not treat my therapist like God for there is only ONE father mother GOD> a woman...the father... the son and the HOLY Spirit 1! xoxox

#cryptic #christian #yay_me #yolo
hello everyone...so i see i have gotten like 692 reads. i wonder who is reading this... if you know me in real life.
so, i'm not really sure how to update you. I've been going on tumblr a lot recently. I should stop. oh well better tumblr than instagram

the calm cool face of the river asked me for a kiss - langston hughes

do you want to know a secret
do you promise not to tell
she's leaving home after living alone for so many years
she's leaving home
bye bye
and the singers gonna sing a song
and he wants u all to sing alone
i get by with a little help from my friends (I get high with a little help from my friends)

i used to wonder about the difference between living x dying
i think the difference is between tears and crying
i used to wonder about the distance from here to there
now i think the distance is nowhere

john 3:16-17
for god so loved the world so much he gave his only begottten son that all who believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life
for the son of god did not come to condemn the world but to save the world

less is not a good book at all, in fact it is a really crap book. I don't really know why I said that. i don't know why anything exists at all. Life is just a void and I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow everything has changed and I hate it. I hate myself, I hate the world and I hate everything???
I wish I could be free. I wish I could not fail. I wish I could be able to do stuff, normal stuff, without getting so sucked in. I wish I was able to be someone other than I am. I wish I didn't depress myself.I wish I wish someone could understand me. Life frightens me. I want to escape, travel the world, sit on a train & look out the window as nothing passes, only the holy locomotive and the holy abyss...whats the use of writing. All of what I used to love means nothing to me now and I'm surrounded. I am paraylsed by fear and i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

I have this now so there's that. Everything is slipping away man, I have failed everyone and everything and I guess I've accepted that. Things will never be the same again. All I can do is hope I can be useful for once, and the flowers may have time for me. ps its my 16th birthday today
Sorry for my last post. It's really weird and depressing....

I'm back. Though I didn't want to come back.
I just read a really good book called Less. It's got nice writing. I wish I could reccomend better authors, or at least more diverse ones. Angie Thomas is also really good. I want to read on the come up.

From Gina
This is a weird thing to write , but I'm leaving. This is my last day here. My last blog post, my last conversation, my last (online school day.) I'll never see any of my friends again. I'm moving away. It feels strange, but I'm going to be happy. A whole new fresh life for myself. It's going to be amazing and shocking and full of stunning Beauty.

A new fresh life filled with freedom. Infinte beautiful cosmic lives filled with terrible devastating freedom.

So I'm saying goodbye. Au revior, as French-speaking Gina of 2019 would say. Bye Bye Bye Bye, because this is my last blog post....my last last blog post blog post....maybe even the last thing I will ever write.

It's all explained in this other note I wrote today. Goodbye.

I deleted my youtube channel. It is so strange. I put so much of my time into it, sucked so much of my life....and it was all basically worthless. I wish I never came back here. it's all very worthless.
All the old stuff I used to watch. It made me very angry. It really expoilted lots of kids and it was just a horrible horrible place..........
All my youtube videos. Everything.
And now its gone. Good. good. I prob will be gone as well....soon. I miss my old life so much.
ariel, ariel, ariel. All my history all the time I spent on here. It was all so stupid. And it caused me so much pain. Typing is horrible. and I won't explain why.

I thought I liked this guy. He seemed nice, but he has another girl as his discord profile picture. That seems so foolish....I don't know.....I feel very depressed, I've got that void feeling again....it happens as soon as I look at u. I still haven't done my assingment yet............

I feel like I'm in such a terrible void, but anyway, if you (you know who you are are reading this) I want you to know I miss you so much.
I miss seeing your face, I miss everything about you. I especially miss your smell. I really miss talking to you, and I miss my old self. I wonder if you miss me, or am I just nothing to you, and the ideal of you I created is it just a mist. If I were to die...is it a sin to bring children into this world? Is there such a thing as God, sophia, sophia.

Well. Goodbye. This is probably my last post. Sorry if it seems melodramatic to you...I keep on getting disappointed here.....No appreicatiation, no joy no comfort do I find. I live for you alone wandering rocks.

Love, -G (D.V)
Ok, last post for the day. i promise!!!
I promise I wwill post some better photos, because all you have now is my stupid face in different clothes. Unless you're my secert admrier, It really has no interest for you. I just need to charge my camera. I really want to get a film camera actually- but is it always going to be insincere, lost in the shadow of my past. Our past???

Ps- Im really sorry for pretending I could speak French. i could not

I figured out how to break the pages (it was stupidly easy) but I also realised I have limited space on this thing. So if I ever disappear, you know why.
I'm wearing my glasses right now. Here's another picture of me wearing them. They make everything a LOT clearer. It's mostly for my depth perception.....I'm always stumbling around. But I can see very well without them, it's just one eye that's bad. which is why my coordination is so horrible.

Hello everyone. It's Gina, obviously. - 25. 7. 21.
I kind of want to get 500 vists but I feel like I don't want to get obessed with that stuff.
I really wish I could go back to my old life. I feel like so much of this blog is self obession. Ha, if anyone I knew read this I would be extremely humilated.Expect AP. I'm not sure if you can find this by looking me up, but whit did. I want to write more about other people, because they and there stories are so much more important than me.... but is this, this litreal MEworld, really going to do anything? I might as well try. So, what have I been doing today? I don't have much news about my life. expect I have the most horrible blister on my foot. I'm reading this book by ken follett. It is interesting, and there is a good romance in it...however as usual for this writer the love descriptions are seriously bizzare. I also got banned from the christian fourms (Long story)

Ok, well, that's all. Also I posted about athiest fourms, but i am not an athiest. defiently not. I don't know why you would care. I think I'm going to delete my acc there....I guess I only joined to spite the christian fourms (I didn't do anything bad don't worry.)

Speaking of theism, Im supposed to be doing my religon assingment right now....I'm doing aristole. I know. They are going a bit nuts at my school now.... the meaning of life etc etc. Religon intrests me a LOT....i used to read the bible all the time, mostly the nt. My friend is a muslim and Ap comes from a buddhist family but her parents also worship chiniese gods. I go to a catholic school, and my family is catholic, I guess, but I was never baptised. I go to an Anglican youth group, and it was so weird, the 1st time I was the only 1 to cross themselves when we prayed.

I decided to retake the questionarie I made up for myself. Just for my own fun. I'm prob going to post some poltical stuff on here, some book reviews, and maybe some photography...whatever interests me. And rants. Well, I hope not. I really should be doing my assingment....I have 2 do a ted talk. (yes.)

What is your favourite Movie? - my favourite movie...I saw this really cool german movie called in bin dein mensch (I'm your man.) It was good, but i don't know. Its not my favourite. I like the actresses Greta Garbo JG and M.M. It's tragic what was done to them. I mostly like doccumentries.
What is your favourite Episode story? I don't read episode stories anymore. I could write a whole blog post about it.
What is your favourite book? I have so so many but probably Lola Rose. I also like Ballet Shoes and A Little Princess. These are all very good books. I'm not going to tell you my favourite book but my reading has advanced since then. A LOT.
Your favourite YouTuber? Freshtastical (this was a weird guy but not that embarssing) LuxuryPranks and SsniperWolf (!!!! I'm not even going to comment on this pathetic trash....once again I could write a blog post about it. A blog post!!! wowow)
Your favourite colour Pink Grey and Black
What do you want to be when you grow up? Writer

I want to work in childcare because I love kids. I would like to travel and record peoples stories and write my own stories.
I could also be a lawyer though I would prob have a mental breakdown.Its not really my thing, but it vaugely interests me

---Gina xxooxoxooox

The thing is I wish I could figure out how to break this thing up into a series of pages. And I'm back with the defult. It looks way better.

I'm basically only blogging (ugh) bc a character in a book I really LOVE had a blog. I can relate to her a lot.

Anyway, I'm thinking I might take some more photos of me and upload them here, tho I feel like that would be VERY narcissitic. I really want to play around with the image thing tho.
Bye. Im in lockdown here, so maybe I can do one of those life in lockdown things.

Gina (dark vanessa) xoxoxox
100 visits!!!! Thank You, Thank You, Thank you!
hey guys!!! I'm back. Please please please keep coming to the blog so that we get 100 visits!!! I will be So happy if that happens so please!!! Love Gina
Hey again
Not much happened today expect I had to go to the doctor
Luve Your Girl
IM BACK!!! And I have News.
Did I tell you I turned 13?
Plus I also know much more French now.
And also we are nearly at 100 vists!! YAS!!! keep on coming guys :DDDDDDD
im back. at last! LOL. btw i'm probably gonna delete this.
Greetings everyone.

Hope you are all having a great day!
(I have written so much lol)
xox Gina
C'est SSO. Amusement! J'amie vraminet bein ça!!! <3

étoile de feu est
serveur :DDD
ami Moi!

Au reviour!!!
Is anyone on the star stable server Fire Star? If you are you can mail me Gabrielle Friendlove and we can meet up. I love star stable. I have many horses. My favourite is Heroblood.
If you want I can write about my horses again. xox Gina.
I'm back writing in English again. I might write a French post from time to time, just to practice though.
Nothing really happened apart from Science today. Our teacher is away so we had Miss Batt. (Real name -_-) It's funny because Mr.Turk looks like a Vampire. He's my friend Sarah's teacher.
Write you later! xox Gina ^^
These are just random thoughts.

I want to work on my French more because I'm not that good at it. I'm writing A LOT about French lately. xD
Bonjur, je m'apple Gina. Je veux ecrie une liste de moi. Wee, xD.
1. J'amie les livres.
2. J'amie les flim.
3. Je suis australien.
Merci and sault!

Je m'apple Gina. Je suis australien. J'amie lives est film :D
Je'spere que vous aimez mon blog!
Reecrie le françis. Je fais ca pour me'entrainer et m'amuser. :-D
Merci, Gina!
Hello, I'm back. A lot happened since my last update & yet a lot didn't. It's all a blur really. School, SSO, School, more SSO, friends, Reading, and Sleep. Oh, I did Naplan. It was boring me to death. And I've decided to learn French. I will write the next part of the blog in French for fun and for my french fans. :)
Bonjur, Je m'apelle Gina!
Comment vas-tu? :) Mon franics est maunvais xD desole. je suis australien. :)
Sault! Gina.
My geography teacher is so weird & crazy. Today he played the indeed song from Grease and danced and sung to it. He also jumped up so high that he hit his hand on the light. I'm not even kidding this has happened at least twice this past week. Honestly sometimes I think he might be slightly insane. He is always playing music and showing off much like my old teacher, Mr. Toovey. Honstley I think they must be soulmates. they both have weird names, like dancing and singing a lot, do weird things and act like nutcases though Mr. Fothers is much worse. LOL. They are good teachers tho... most of the time
Hi everyone!
Hope you're all having a great day
Greetings Gina x

Hello everybody,

Here is a funny story from my old school.

One day at Aftercare a police officer came to talk to us about safety and stranger danger, you know that sort of thing. No offence to him or whatever but it was pretty lame.(We had heard it all before, and the guy who presented it was not particularly exciting. In fact he was rather dull.) It was fun for a little bit though because he let us ask questions and everyone was asking stuff like "whats the most dangerous heist you've been in" and "whose the most dangerous perp that got away?" I think we watched too much American TV shows. Anyway, it got boring again pretty quickly. He was giving this big speech about "safe people" and something weird about "not going to market town by yourself?" It was really weird. Anyway, there was this girl at my old school, and her name was Rosie. She had bright curly red hair and a hot temper, and she ALWAYS said what she thought, which was really funny! ( Even if it meant insulting teachers. ) She had been itching to talk for so long, and was waving her hand about like crazy, and an aftercare "educator" (they did not educate us at all) was trying to shut her up.

"So" the police officer said. "Kids, I want you to be very careful. There's all kinds of dangerous people out there," he glanced briefly at Rosie, who was now red in the face, waving her hand around, screaming, "EXUSE ME! EXUSE ME!" He ignored her. "If I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to go to Market town by herself. So i don't want you guys to go to market town by yourselves, ether. Only go with your safe person."
For whatever reason, this useless piece of advice that no one would follow really infuriated Rosie.
"SSSHSHSHHSHSHSHHSHSHHSHSH" said the "educators" in a panic, thinking this would reflect poorly on them.
All us kids watched in awe, trying not to laugh. Unsuccessfully.
"OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF YOU!" Rosie screamed, stamping her foot and screeching. (She often had tantrums like this but she couldn't really help it.)
"Darling...please sit down," the police officer said limply.
Rosie hated being called darling. And Rose, which was her real name, but everyone knew her as Rosie. Heaven help sub teachers who read out her name wrong xD
"ROSIE! ENOUGH!" The educators yelled.
"YOU FAT WARTHOG!" Rosie screeched.
Thereupon Rosie was taken out of the room and sent to the office, leaving us alone with a couple of inexperienced educator and the dumbfounded police officer. We saw her through the window, jumping up in a rage. We also heard lots of yelling. Mostlt in Rosie's part.
It was so funny.
Friend me on poptropica gina111 and follow my wattpad baby_girl_gina2457. Also feel free to write in my guest book :)

Gina :)
Today in Art we made our clay model heads. I'm doing Donland Trump- (don't ask why). Also we did Maths, Science, and Geography. All of that boring stuff. I mostly played on Papa's Scooperia and let the teachers think I was a good student. I am so weird XD. The latest gossip is that Estella, who is in year SEVEN "made out with a boy and posted it on her Instagram" as it said on the toilet wall. Honestly, I don't get why they are all so shocked. They all post the most inappropriate crap ever on theirs. It is so funny to see them- stomach sucked in, skimpy crop top practically falling off, and they even stick out there bums acting like instagram models. I feel bad for them when they get older and see this stuff online. I guess it is there choice, but I would never do something like that. (They are in year 7, which is 11, 12, 13.) I have lots of funny stories about this school and my old school. I can tell them here if you want.
Hope your having a great day
From Gina
I am thinking of starting a new blog. But I still like this one and will keep it in my "Students of the World" profile.
Greetings Gina
Greetings everyone! (No one really says "greetings" but I like how it sounds idk why)
I am now currently on the light rail which is like a tram
See you tomorrow!
Gina x
Hello everyone
It's me, Gina. Obviously. Duh. Lol. I haven't been on here awhile, so sorry about that. I've been busy with starting high school, which isn't as bad and as good as I thought it would be. But still fun. I'm actually supposed to be doing homework now, but whatever.
I have just been reading over this blog and I liked most things about it apart from the story. OMG the story is so bad. And it's about Mermaids. I thought I would be past that phase? Don't know what I was thinking honestly. I can write much better stories than that. But I'm going to keep it up anyway because I don't like deleting things idk why. Anyway I hope you all are having a great day <3

Also if you're on SSO Mangolia Jungle server friend me Gabrielle Friendlove

Edit: I changed my mind and deleted it because I physically couldn't comprehend how rubbish it was.
Hi guys
I went to my Oretation Day Today. it was really fun. I also messaged Wilma, my Finish Pen Pal. She's really nice
From Gina
Hi guys I am back blogging again.

So I told you that I would write about what I like to do?

Writing, History, Reading, Collections, Gaming.

Hey guys
Sorry for no blog post today I was busy.But tomorrow I will write a story called "Mermaid Magic" and also about what I like to do.
Hi guys!
So this is my first offical blog post. As I said, not much is really happening today so I will keep this short and sweet, I already wrote most of the stuff on my other post anyway.
But since this blog is about me and my friends I will explain about all of my friends at my school but also outside of school.
My main group of friends are Jade, Yuri, Natalie, Olivia and Eva. Everyone is really nice, but I feel really bad for Eva because people always gossip about her behind her back.

I also have some other friends at school and outside of school. My outside of school friends are Mia, who lives in Germany, Amrita, who goes to another school now and a few more. Also I have Selene and Rachel my Pen Pal friends. They are from China and Canda.
In my next blog post I will write about what I like to do.
Thank you

Hello! My name is Gina Marie Doolan. I am 12 and in the last years of year 6 which is the last year of primary school here in Australia which is where I live. Cities such as Sydney Brisbane or Adelaide are mostly where I dwell however I dream of living in the countryside or in the high mountains, with beautiful snow and ice surrounding me! One time I visited the snowy mountains here in Australia and it was amazing. I wish it snowed in my city. The only better holiday I have had was my trip to Japan earlier this year.
So this blog will be called "Gina's Blog" and be all about my life. It will also include stories and pictures because I love writing and art. All of them will be by me.

Today is Saturday, which as you all know is the weekend, and I am spending the day at home. Yesterday I went to my friend Amrita's school World Expo and it was so fun. Amrita used to be my best friend but she moved schools for OC which is opportunity class. Anyway it was really fun and I cannot wait to see her again.
i am really excited at the moment because I am going to a new school next year, and this Friday will be my Orientation Day! I am thrilled!!! Just a few days ago I had a uniform fitting. It was expensive because it is a private school but lots of fun. I met two new girls one of which was really nice. I know I seem like I am babbling but I really am so happy to be starting a new school.

So what else do you want to know about me? Well, I have written questions and answers down below.

What is your favourite Movie? - I don't really have one but I do like the movies Mean Girls, 101 Dalmatians and more. The first movie I saw was the Wizard of Oz.
What is your favourite Episode story? The Lives of Ginevra definitely.
What is your favourite book? I have so so many but probably Lola Rose. I also like Ballet Shoes and A Little Princess.
Your favourite YouTuber? Freshtastical LuxuryPranks and SsniperWolf.
Your favourite colour Pink Grey and Black
What do you want to be when you grow up? Writer

The pictures above is coloured by me but the outline is drawn by Lady Anne on Episode forums. :)

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Gina's Blog (Daily life - About me & friends)    -    Author : Gina - Australia

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last update : 2023-01-04

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